


Moment of Silence

by Brim



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Ambiguous Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Kissing, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 17:49:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21183503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brim/pseuds/Brim
Summary: A solitary figure, burdened with duty and wrecked by worry was joined by another.





	Moment of Silence

_“We all have somebody we love. We know that’s why we’re here.”_

…

Days passed since repelling the sin eater attack on the Crystarium. Despite the devastation, things quickly returned as they used to for its citizens - the wounded were treated, the departed taken care of and repairs carried out swiftly.

_“For each we saved another perished.” _The tragic loss of life echoed as hushed weep behind closed door to the ever busy markets and merchants of the city.

The Scions helped with what they could, but decisive actions needed to be taken, so the Exarch urged them to focus on the main problem – the next Lightwarden. With the decision to travel to Amh Araeng made, preparations for their departure began. The Warrior of Darkness tried to assist and make himself useful, but each attempt was declined. He was urged, nay, ordered to rest.

“I’m fine.” He tried to assure his friends with a smile, but judging by the brief frown on Y’shtola’s face and the concerned looks Alphinaud gave him, he didn’t want to push his luck and risk further questions about his health. The Light within him felt like a mild pressure at the back of his head, but it was contained. Manageable. He was still capable of carrying out his duties.

“I know I’m not the best when it comes to this, but take it easy.” Thancred told him briefly one rainy morning, while both handled a shipment of provisions. “Coming from bitter experience, taking care of yourself first is the best way to ensure that you can save others.”

The Warrior gave him a wry smile, but ultimately agreed. 

However, resting proved more difficult than he imagined. Idleness led to restlessness and it was because of said unease that sleep eluded him night after night and rather than tossing and turning in his bed, he partook in nightly strolls around the Crystarium.

Night didn’t deter the liveliness of the city, but the comforting cloak of darkness served well to obscure him from the crowd. His favourite walk was the lofty bridges spread beneath the crystal domes – there were scarcely any people late at night and the noise was a distant ambiance from the markets.

The view was good – of the various people he’s met and the city he was currently living in. It was a peacefully idyllic scene.

“…” The soft sound of slow, but deliberate steps signalized the approach of another. The hero’s eyes darted to his side. In the peripheral of his visions he saw the visage of none other than Emet-Selch approaching him.

“Enjoying the view from above?” Upon noticing that his arrival was acknowledged, the Ascian’s indifferent expression turned to a pleased smile. In answer, the hero’s gaze returned to the markets below. By ignoring Emet-Selch, he hoped that the Ascian would just melt into the shadows, like their kind was used to, and leave him in peace.

“Or do worries keep you awake?” But said hope was futile, because Emet-Selch knew that the hero was aware of his presence and he was _bored_. It was just a manner of patience to get a response. “What troubles our dear brooding hero then?” 

The Warrior leaned forward, resting his folded forearms in the railings in a vain attempt to seem nonchalant. He was this close to just telling him to go away, but instead opted to continue stubbornly trying to pretend like Emet-Selch wasn’t there. That willful streak of spite was probably something Fray would be proud of.

The silence between them continued for a few moments longer until Emet-Selch opened his mouth again.

“And so the silent treatment continues, hm?” Emet-Selch’s smile turned smug and his eyes narrowed on him. The Warrior frowned. No matter how hard he tried or how much he tried to distract himself with the noise coming from the Musica Universalis Markets, it wasn’t as easy as he hoped to ignore the looming Ascian’s presence next to him.

Furthermore, such theatrics were not something that Emet-Selch was unused to.

“I’m just trying to help.” The Ascian shrugged lazily. “As much as it will make my job easier, it would be an awful _pity_ should you fall in battle because of petty distractions.”

Perhaps because of his choice of words, or perhaps because of his callousness, something inside the hero passed childish pettiness and transcended into anger and frustration, but before he could do or say anything reckless, he decided to just admit defeat and _retreat_.

Without even looking at Emet-Selch’s direction, he promptly strode towards the Pendants. Privacy was a precious rarity, but should Ardbert decide to make himself appear, then his presence was much more preferable.

He barely took a few steps before he was pulled back into a stop by a firm hold around his wrist. Stunned, the hero turned back only to be met with Emet-Selch towering over him. This was the first time an Ascian dared to touch him, let alone do it in such a manner.

“What…” The hero raised his voice as if to yell, but before he could finish he was interrupted.

“Wait.” His was a hasty request came off as a plea rather than a command. Despite the serious look in his eyes, Emet-Selch’s mouth quirked up into a half smile and unlike his usual, the condescending demeanor was gone. “In light of our newfound trust, I propose that you ease the burden by sharing your worries with me.” _As comrades do_.

The Warrior frowned again. With a sudden, strong pull, he slipped his hand out of the Emet-Selch’s grasp and took a few steps back, taking a defensive stance. He didn’t have his weapon and he knew that the Ascian wasn’t foolish enough to attack him in the middle of the Crystarium, but a clear show of defiance would showcase his resolve and his refusal to drop his guard. He did too much mistakes like that in the past.

“You still refuse a helping hand?”

“…”

Emet-Selch sighed, exhausted.

“Very well, I will leave you be.” His shoulders slumped. “I have more productive things to do than try to mend your wounded ego.”

The hero blinked. It was barely there, but there was a tone of genuine disappointment underlying his words and that left an unpleasant feeling bubbling inside his chest. _Hapless._ _Powerless. Futile. _Was his misfortune so plain to see that even his enemies took pity on him? His stance relaxed and his head lowered in humility…And no sooner that the Ascian turn his back to him that the Warrior found the words to speak.

“It’s the guilt.”

“The guilt?” As if he hadn’t just announced his leave, Emet-Selch’s attention went back to the hero.

“It’s…” His train of thoughts promptly stopped the moment he was given the opportunity to continue. “Never mind…You wouldn’t understand.” 

“That is correct. I wouldn’t understand unless you tell me.” Emet-Selch grew closer again, but not close enough to invade his personal space again.

Perhaps encouraged by his patience or stubbornness, the Warrior made a third attempt to speak his mind.

“For those that are lost...For those that are longer with us…” His words trailed off. “Many are gone and I couldn’t save them.”

_I wasn’t enough. Not for myself, nor for others. _The dead were forever beyond reach and there was no choice, but to accept that inevitably. Many hoped and many committed horrible things to oppose that, in fact he himself briefly mused about the possibility of a world where death held no power over them and people could live happily with their loved ones for an eternity, but he wasn’t a fool. He knew that such a dream was impossible and he knew that it would just create more tragedy and chaos to change that.

Even then, it wasn’t a crime to remember those lost. To reminiscence. To _honor_ them.

“They are gone and I am here to carry on their hopes moving forward.” The Warrior concluded.

Emet-Selch huffed a breath of amusement.

“It is arrogance and _recklessness_ to think that alone you are capable of carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.” The hero blinked. He was too flabbergasted by the blunt honesty to say anything and Emet-Selch shrugged again at his apparent surprise. “As powerful as you believe yourself to be you can’t save every single soul you meet.”

The Warrior opened his mouth to speak again, to say anything in opposition, but he couldn’t lie and he knew that deep down…Emet-Selch was correct. For all of his victories and for all of his accomplishments, the mistakes and failures he’d done were something that weighted heavily on his conscious. 

But the Ascian was wrong to think that he was alone.

“This is just another aspect of your people’s limited, fragile lives.” …And to presume that their struggle was in vain. “Ooh, did I strike a nerve, hero?” The Ascian cooed with a wide grin.

“I know it was futile to try to talk to your kind.” The Warrior was used to enemies trying to read him, just as well as he was also used to ignoring them.

"My kind?" This caused Emet-Selch’s eyes to narrow and his smile disappeared.

“I shouldn’t expect for an Ascian to understand the feeling of loss and regret.”

“…”

It was sudden and so impossibly fast that even an experienced fighter like the Warrior barely had time to react. Emet-Selch pushed his back against the catwalk’s railing and the Warrior gasped, bracing himself by gripping onto it. One hand was on the small of his back, supporting him as the Ascian pressed his body against his. The hero momentary froze, mind slowly processing what was and was about to happen, while Emet-Selch used his other hand to lift his chin. The Warrior didn’t try to fight back.

Emet-Selch closed his eyes, leaned forward and waited for a moment. Perhaps it was hesitation or perhaps he was waiting to see if the hero will stop him. When he met no resistance, the Ascian eventually closed the distance between them.

The Warrior’s eyes widened. He felt something warm against his lips and for that moment all the sounds in the world went silent. Being accustomed to the Ascians’ customary hostility and displeasure, the gesture was surprisingly tender.

There was nobody else around. To whoever looked up from the markets below, they would see the dark silhouettes of two figures blending into one.

"Do you still believe that we are incapable of understanding others?" When the kiss ended, Emet-Selch leaned back, holding onto the hero in a lose embrace. Not out of fear of him falling over, but out of an earnest desire to hear the hero’s answer. To his disappointment, the hero’s mouth remained partially opened in silent stupor. “Or is it easier this way?” He continued anyway.

“What?”

“That’s what your Mother tells you, doesn’t She?” He stated of a manner of fact and the only rebuttal the Warrior could form was a glare. Emet-Selch smirked. “Is it easier for Hydaelyn’s chosen champion to believe that we’re evil monsters to slay?”

It was an accusation.

“To find the destruction you seek…To continue this senseless conflict…” A hand moved to his shoulder and with that Emet-Selch held the hero firmly in place, least he tried to escape or run away again. “Am I just another enemy in your hapless crusade?”

Despite the gravity of his words and the roughness in his hold, Emet-Selch spoke in a soft murmur. 

“That isn’t the reason I fight.” The hero calmly tried to deny, but the Ascian’s golden eyes turned cold.

“Tell me then, o Warrior of Darkness, what drives you to fight so?”

_“Plainly you desire a foe to despise.” Igeyorhm said to him shortly before she met her demise._

“It’s to protect others.” A learned response. It was something he said many times before and will probably say many times more. “For those we have lost. For those we can yet save.”

“Is it because of love then?” The Warrior tried to shake free of the Ascian’s hold, but it proved futile. “Do you believe in this world?”

The interrogation continued and the Warrior refused to indulge the Ascian with giving pointless answers to useless questions. His actions were a testament to his conviction and the role he choose to play. Whether it was to protect others or to help them, no matter how irrelevant the request was, it was all one step forward. One step, as small as it was, towards making this cruel, twisted world a better place. Not just for himself, but for those around him as well – friends, family and strangers.

To be a hero was an immense burden, but at least he wasn’t alone to bare it.

“Retreating back to your customary silence?”

“Let go of me.” To his great surprise Emet-Selch complied and stepped back. The Warrior expected more of his obscene provocations, but the Ascian seemingly got bored with his unproductive probing.

“Mayhap we’ll leave this discussion for another day.” Emet-Selch mumbled in a low enough tone that the Warrior thought he was rambling to himself again. The Ascian regarded him with another odd look and then yawned. He’d not only bored himself, but also _tired_. “Good night, my dear hero. I do hope sleep finds you eventually.”

With that he turned his back and made a dismissive gesture of a hand wave to say his goodbyes to the Warrior. Just as suddenly as he had appeared, he disappeared blending into the shadows. Meanwhile the Warrior, still bemused by the entire exchanged, remained on the deserted catwalk. He had tried to make sense of the Ascians words and odd behaviors before, but Emet-Selch was an oddity even by their standards.

And maybe that’s why the Warrior felt that talking to him was easier.

_“For our world…for our people…for all creation to be made whole again. Wouldn’t you wish for the same?”_

**Author's Note:**

> yeah Idk what this was, but the wod was given much to think about
> 
> thank you for reading!! your feedback is deeply appreciated  
(apologies for typos and weird english


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